


1 time Steve and Tony “Always” Knew

by LightingNike



Series: Tony’s and Steve’s crazy relationship [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Blood, Broken Bones, Gardening, Hurt Steve Rogers, M/M, Mostly Fluff, POV Steve Rogers, POV Tony Stark, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Tony Stark, Steve Feels, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Tears, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Tony Stark Has Self-Esteem Issues, Tony Stark Has Trust Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark-centric, bath times, cant do it without angst, gala - Freeform, good mornings, motorcycle accident, mouring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:34:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24224416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightingNike/pseuds/LightingNike
Summary: Steve and Tony are having a rocky start, Pepper would say. Tony is having a rocky start, Nat would correct.Tony would say he’s going just fine.Except when his anxieties aren’t calmed down. Except when he isn’t really in touch with his feelings or communication. Except when the fears of Steve leaving him because come on! Tony was a mess! Why wouldn’t Steve leave!So maybe he needs to question some things from time to time. It’s okay. Just some self issues here. Nothing to worry about.But Steve is always there and always will be.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Tony’s and Steve’s crazy relationship [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1710304
Kudos: 51





	1. Your so far away

“I’m going to a press conference for 3 days in Australia. But I’ll call you every morning and night, okay.” Tony rushed. The news was delivered to Steve on the exact same day he was due to leave. Steve was little more than shocked, but accepted the quick kiss Tony gave him in the cheek and watched him hop into the car. 

That was 2 days ago. 2 days of a very lonely sleep and very lonely days and Steve being a very lonely person. 

It was just peachy. 

Steve hopped out the bed, excited that today was the last day. Tony would be here early that next morning, returning in his arms as he said. Then they would have coffee and sleep with each other in their arms and deliver uncalled for PDA for the team. Everything would go back to normal. 

Steve wouldn’t be lonely anymore. 

His phone rang with the daily good morning good night call. The screen read ‘baby boy’ and Steve smiled in remembrance. He changed it one morning when they woke up and Tony didn’t get a good morning kiss that day. What had somehow became a ritual that Steve failed notice. The man was quietly upset at Steve although not voicing it, but Steve could tell from the scrunched up nose every time Tony looked his way. It was silly but sweet that something as tiny as this got Tony all riled up. Steve remembered calling him needy, like a baby as he kissed around Tony’s neck that night. Tony denied it but since then it stuck. Tony was his baby boy forever. 

Especially on cold mornings like this. 

Steve answered the phone, putting it on speaker. The morning sun shined through the window as Steve made the bed, something he hated to do that Tony would always do once they hopped out the bed together. His room, no their room, would be a mess if it was up to Steve. Tony would be making him clean up right now if he was here, being as chirpy as ever. 

They would be disgustingly happy in front of their team mates. They would be getting their morning coffee and starting the day. They couldn’t even do that together. It was night in Australia, while it was morning in New York. Another thing that was keeping them apart. 

The only times that they would talk would be at the end and beginning of each day. Steve didn’t like waiting that long- Steve wanted Tony right here in his arms, right here in the bed where he could hear Tony’s breathing. 

“Hey Steve, you there? How was your day, well night? I hope your making the bed, I do not want to come back to a messy room.” Came through the phone. Only Tony would worry about that, Steve sighed with a faint smile.

“Yeah the bed’s made, Im waiting to mess up the room where your here to bitch about it. Can’t wait for the screaming match.” Steve could hear Tony’s laughter but it was tired, the man must have had a long day. Steve felt guilty for keeping him up, Tony never got any sleep anyway, but he didn’t want to hang up and wait all day to hear Tony’s voice again. Steve knew he was being selfish but he didn’t care. “How was your day?” 

“Ummm- it was fine. Just press and all. How’s the team?” There was yawn, and Steve’s heart swelled. Gosh, he missed everything about Tony that he could just picture that yawn clearly. So clearly. These two days had be torture, just straight up torture. But Tony would be back that night, and Steve would be able to smother him with love. The man would not leave Steve’s sight for a least a day. All Steve had to was wait. 

“Clint fell down the steps yesterday.” the response was manly giggles, and Steve could see Tony’s smile, “ And Thor and Bruce did some elephant putty thing, I don’t know what it is, but they ruined a whole floor. They saved that for you to figure out.” 

“Okay, but how was your day slash night? What are you out there doing without me- gambling, drinking with Nat, jumping out a windows? I need answers here, Rogers!” There was another yawn but Steve wasn’t ready to say goodnight yet. 

Steve entertained Tony with his day, the usual, until Tony’s breathing became deeper. Tony has fell asleep on him, again. Just like the nigh before and the night before that. Steve whispered a goodnight and ended the call. 

Now to get on with the boring day. 

With his workout already done, Steve was off the Shield to do paperwork that the others had bribed him to do- 50$ bucks each. It was painstakingly long, Steve finishing at lunch. 

Steve’s phone rang. He picked it up, hoping it was Sam or Nat on a lunch invite, but the screen read Baby Boy. 

Why was Tony up?

Steve answered anyway as he shut the door to his office, worry starting to eat at him. 

“Do you think about me?” Tony spoke softly.

Steve was caught off guard, well he was caught off guard with the call anyway, but this wasn’t a “hey I miss you” kind of call or “I have to stay a few mor days”. But instead he got a loaded question out of nowhere, nothing to back it up. All Steve could do was worry. 

“What’s going on Tony? What happened, are you okay? Do I need to get the team or something, we can com-“ 

“No! Everything’s okay, I promise, just calm down.” Tony interrupted, almost yelling through the phone. The mans voice sounded hoarse like he had just been screaming, or worse, crying!

“Just answer the question. Do you . . . Do you think about me?” 

“Always.” Steve answered without hesitation. It wasn’t a lie to get answers or to win Tony’s love, he meant it. He would always mean it. 

Tony let out a sigh, a good release that clearly affected his body, Steve hearing shuffling around through the speakers. 

“Now tell me what happened?” Steve asked, clear confusion in his voice. 

“Nothing. I’m coming home early. I’ll be there before 10, don’t wait up for me.” The called ended.

Steve was left clueless. Something had happened, he just knew it, but Tony didn’t want to tell. And the blonde wasn’t going to push. 

But he was going to wait up. Maybe not to see what Tony was worked up about but he sure as hell was going his hold his boyfriend as tight as he could once he laid eyes on the man. 

On the bright side, at least he didn’t have to wait as long as he thought.


	2. I’ll cry with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today’s December 16. It’s important, Steve knew it was, but for what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lost motivation to do a 5&1 fic but I did this

Tony had been off the whole day. 

Early that morning, Steve woke up to an empty bed. The coldness ate at his heart as he patted the bed for whatever was supposed to be there. Tony just up and left, didn’t he? That’s all Steve would think, Tony left or he wasn’t enough. Steve sat up in the bed, wrapping the comforter around himself and looked around. 

His eyes adjusted to the morning light, blinking a few times, and noticed Tony by the window. The man was in nothing in his boxers, sitting crossed on the couch. His skin looked honey toned as the sun shined, the shadows perfectly shaping his face. It would be a beautiful sight expect for the sad face Tony had. Tony just sat there staring through the window, rubbing a pencil in his hand. 

It was a bleak scene. 

Steve moves towards his boyfriend, the comforter still wrapped around his shoulders, taking small steps. He sat next behind the man and slowly started to caress Tony’s waist. The man was cold to the touch, it was so foreign, so weird. Tony was always warm, always, it didn’t make sense. Everything was fine yesterday, Tony was fine. Nothing happened during the night, nothing Steve knew about, and yesterday was good. Better than good, actually. 

Steve moved the comforter over both their bodies, placing his head in the crook of Tony’s next. He found one of Tony’s tiny hands and gave it a squeeze. 

“Are you okay?” Steve whispered. 

“Umm- I will be, I guess.” Tony spoke. He stopped looking outside but instead at their hands intertwined. 

It was snowing outside, as expected in New York in December, but quite nice to look out. Steve didn’t much care for cold and the chilling wind and the extra layers but he did enjoy snow. It was like the world was moving in slow motion, everyone just taking a second to appreciate it. It didn’t matter if he was watching it alone, Steve knew someone was watching it with him somewhere in the world. 

“Is there anything I can do to help it go faster?” 

“No, you can’t. I’m . . . I won’t be here today-I’m going places, alone. It’s important.” Tony turned his head to look Steve in the eye. There was a type of desperation deep in those brown eyes showing how badly he needed this day. 

Steve watched as Tony removed himself from his grip, making his way to bath and getting started with the day. Tony didn’t even bitch about his morning kiss or the unmade bed. Although how much Steve would say to anyone who asked about how much it got on his nerves, he still wouldn’t want to go a day without it. 

It came with Tony and Steve wanted Tony. Clear and simple. 

Steve heard a ding across the room, most likely his phone and hopped on the bed. It was from Rhodey and it made him wince. Steve could sense the vibe that Rhodey didn’t like him. They were acquaintances before he started dating Tony but once that happened, friendly Rhodey was gone. The Rhodey Steve received watched his every move. It creeped him out. 

But Steve understood and would even do the same. He had heard about Tony’s ex’s from Pepper when Tony and him started out. It was warning, Pepper made it so very clear, that if Steve did anything remotely close to what those did before to Tony she would kill him with her heels. Steve had seen her heels-they were sharp enough to kill him. 

Rhodes  
If you do me this favor, I might not hover over you as much when your with Tony. Watch out for him today, okay. 

Well. 

Steve didn’t quite know how to respond to that, so he didn’t. Just how did he know? What didn’t Steve know? Why did he know? 

Tony walked out after a while dressed in a grey tracksuit with black sunglasses. His hair was slicked back, wether it be by water or gel. He looked great. 

But Steve still saw how his bones still sagged and it looked as if he was dragging his feet. Not as bouncy as he would be. Maybe today was one of those slow mornings just a little less sleepy than usual. Tony sat on the floor by the closet door, and started to put on his shoes. 

“Umm hey, is there anything wrong? You know you can tell me right.” Steve asked, phone still in hand. 

“Everything great Steve, don’t worry about it. I’ll be home late.” Tony didn’t even lock eyes. His voice was empty of emotion. Tony walked over, gave Steve a quick peck in the cheek, then left. 

Something was wrong.

Tony never wanted just one kiss. Tony would usually be begging for more and never wanting to leave the bed. Tony wouldn’t be dressed before- Steve checked his phone, 6:30 am. Tony wouldn’t even be up that early! 

Steve felt lost. It was hard enough to navigate what Tony was thinking all the time but now he felt lost at sea. On a little raft. Without anything to help him find land. Finding land would be a lost cause just like understanding what was going on in Tony’s head of his. But it was worth the try, Steve loved him too much to give up. 

The phone buzzed again in his hand, this time a text from Pepper. Steve must have been missing something. 

Pepper  
Keep your eyes on Tony please. Today’s a hard day. 

Steve ignored it. Tony said he was okay so he way okay. Steve trusted his boyfriend. He would call later but he was going to give Tony some space. It was the least he could do. 

Steve went along with his day. He called Tony at lunch, the man sounded fine. He had lunch with Nat and worked out. It seemed like a good day. 

Except it wasn’t. 

At the end of the night, around midnight, Steve finally saw Tony again. He was sitting on the couch, crying. His suit was dirty with mud on the knees, and soaked. His hair had fallen down to his ears, dripping with water. 

Tony looked a mess. 

Pepper said to look after Tony. Rhodey said to look after Tony. Even Jarvis said it in his vague words. Now Steve knew why. Tremors were overtaking his small body, chin trembling as tears flowed down his face. Tony looked so broken on that couch. 

Steve’s limbs moved without as he walked towards the man with the need to just protect. He sat down and tried to wrap his arms around his boyfriend but was pushed away. 

All Steve would do was sit there and wait till Tony was ready. He would listen to every heartbreaking sob that tore at his heart before he left this couch. He will wait to see that last year fall down Tony’s face before he left. 

If he couldn’t comfort, then he will be right by his side for the aftermath. 

Soon Tony’s chin stopped wobbling and his tears were beginning to die out; although in distress, Steve couldn’t help but acknowledge that the man still looked beautiful. 

“I’m a mess aren’t I?” Tony let out a small laugh filled with sorrow. It was kinda hysterical, in a messed up kinda way, the last words of a very broken person. 

Steve nodded no. 

“It’s the sixteenth. You would think that after all these years I would move on or at least stop this-“ Tony arms jolted as his eyes stayed with Steve’s, looking for something-anything. 

The 16th? Of December? Steve remembered looking at it once, in a file long ago- maybe it was Tony’s, and it was about . . . Howard. Yep, it was bout Howard and his wife-Maria, Steve backed up in his mind. If it caused Tony this much pain, it had to be their deaths. 

Steve felt the worst. His face fell. Guilt and regret plummeted in his stomach mixing into a giant blob. It was growing too fast and so hard to contain. Steve was his boyfriend but he didn’t know this. He didn’t even remember. Steve wasn’t there when Tony needed him. Tony was there when he had his accident. But It was like he never was there for Tony. Steve didn’t even know anything about Tony, like his gardening. 

Steve was terrible. 

“It’s not bad to cry. In fact, I think it makes a person stronger.”

“Yeah sure. That’s not gonna stop me from feeling like a little bitch, Steve.” Tony mumbled through the tears.

“You don’t have to believe me, but it’s true.” Steve tilted Tony’s chin upwards to make eye contact, ”I’m sorry.” 

“For what? It wasn’t your fault my parents died.” 

“No, I’m sorry for being an ass boyfriend. I wasn’t there when you needed me. All these tears, my fault. I wasn’t there to pamper you or distract you or even talk to you about it. I did nothing.” Tony’s eyes began to water more. He nodded then surged into the mans arms, fast as ever. 

Tony seemed stuck there in Steve’s arm, not moving a bit. Steve felt his shirt become damp as Tony sobbed into his shirt. But he stayed there and held him until Tony cried his last tear. 

Soon the sobs soon died out and Tony unattached himself from Steve’s arm. He wiped the leftover tears from his face and face Steve, a small depressed smile on his face. 

“Sorry about your shirt.” 

“How about I draw us a bath, huh.” Steve ran his fingers down Tony’s arm, getting a light but firm grip on his wrist and started to pull the man off the couch. Tony face didn’t change, still that ongoing sadness the man had since that morning, but he stumbled towards Steve, fingers curling into a fist. 

Steve picked him up by his waist- Tony was weightless- and sat him on the sink counter before going to run the water on extra hot with the bubbly expensive wash, just the way Tony liked it. 

Steve turned back to his boyfriend, partner as Tony would say, tear tracks still visible on his face. Tony looked small, well he always looked small, but now he incredibly small. Like a small kitten, a new born. Steve started to undress the man taking off the wet dirty tracksuit, starting with the hoodie. Tony moves his limbs making it easily for Steve, but never looking in his eyes. Steve rubbed his arms, feeling Tony’s muscles tense. His arms were soft but stiff. Steve loved touching Tony, sexual-nonsexual, he didn’t care. It was Tony. 

“You don’t have to do this you know.” Tony mumbled, touching his reactor. 

“Yeah, but I want to.” Steve took off Tony’s joggers and then started to undress himself. Once naked, he lowered himself into big tub, Tony still on the counter. Steve called him over and Tony clearly didn’t want to come. But the man hopped off the counter, finished undressing himself, and lowered himself into the tub, sitting on the other side. Steve watched as he made sure the reactor was a once the water. Their legs were touching under the bubbles and their arms long enough for their hands to touch. 

It smelled great, a little bit overpowering on his nose and it was warm. Steve was relaxed, anyone would be relaxed, but Tony was still closed off. But the blonde understood, he would never be back to himself after his mom died. Not even with Bucky, their will always be a part of him gone. 

“You know I love you.” Steve confirmed, eyes laced with worry, as he squeezed one of Tony’s hands.

Tony didn’t answer but instead started to tracing Steve’s hand, wanting to remember the detail- every muscle, every hair, every wrinkle, how it felt. 

“Do I make myself clear?” There was a sense of amusement in his voice, the way he said it so light. It wasn’t jokingly but just to lighten the dark mood. Tony could hear the Captains deep breaths and see his chest moving up and down so steadily. 

“Always.”


End file.
